


A high school stuck fic

by FuzzyPeaches



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Humanstuck, M/M, Multi, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-06
Updated: 2014-09-06
Packaged: 2018-02-16 10:01:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2265531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FuzzyPeaches/pseuds/FuzzyPeaches
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karter (Karkat) is starting grade 11 and meets 4 new students. One of them- John Egbert catches his eye and he eventually falls for him.<br/>John is focussed on making new friends and something about Karter seems off, but he hangs around him anyway, eventually finding out about his scars.<br/>I gave the trolls "human" names, they are listed in the notes<br/>Tw: self harm, mostly mentioned in the past</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First day of school

**Author's Note:**

> When I wrote this I picked human names for the trolls that I figured sounded somewhat like their canon names- or at least as close as I could manage  
> Karter=Karkat, Arianna=Aradia, Solomon-Alexander(Sol)=Sollux, Ross=Tavros, Napeah=Nepeta, Tracy=Terezi, Kendra=Kanaya, Virginia=Vriska, Eric=Equius, Sammy=Gamzee, Aaron=Eridan and Fefe=Feferi.

Your name is KARTER VANTAS and you are getting ready for your FIRST DAY OF GRADE 11.  
Like every other day you've had school you father woke you up over an hour earlier than you'd ever need to be up. You woke up, you hit your head on the wall, and you tripped over yesterday's clothes you left laying on the floor. You then fucked around on your computer for about an hour. Yeah probably no longer than that.  
You can tell this will be a terrible year, just like every other.  
Your cell phone rings and it's a text from your friend Sol reminding you not to be a dumbass and be late on the first day. Yeah, like you planned on that, you're never late for class.  
You pull on your jeans and a tee shirt.You glance around for one of your black hoodies, and once you find one, you pull it on and shove your cell phone in the pocket.  
If you leave now you won't have to miss the bus and walk.  
But that never happens. You always get outside in time to see the bus pass by your house, go inside and argue with your dad for a ride and end up running to school to get into homeroom right before the bell.  
You've just gotten used to it.  
But this morning you're surprised, as you grab your backpack and head outside to not see the bus passing you. I can't be that late... You walk across the road and see the bus coming.  
I definitely won''t fucking except this again after today. You think as you get on the bus and find a seat by yourself.  
When you get off the bus at school you walk upstairs without looking for any of your friends. You figure you'll find them later.  
You walk down the long hallway looking for room 413, Mr Noir's room.  
You hate Mr Noir, he's the sr high gym teacher and he yells a lot. But it doesn't matter. You only have gym first semester and you can get through it. Might as well go see if any of your friends are in your homeroom.  
You walk in the door to be greeted by Arianna Megido, Sol Captor, Ross Nitram, Nepeah Leijon, Kendra Maryam, (Fuck I'm glad she's here) Virginia Serket, Eric Zahhak, Sammy Makara, (Can't fucking wait for another year of tutoring him in math) Aaron Ampora and Fefe Peixes. And your middle school girlfriend. Tracy Pyrop. The prettiest blind girl at Sgrub Middle School. Well, okay, she was the only blind girl. But who cares. You dated from grade 6 to grade 9, until she broke your heart. But you don't fucking care anymore, you're over that. She was an annoying girlfriend anyway.  
You glance around to see who else is in here. All people you know from other years. Hivebent High doesn't get a lot of new kids. Wait. Who the fuck are those numbnuts.  
There are four new kids standing around a desk at the front of the room. A tall guy, standing there in his sunglasses looking like an insufferable prick, a short blonde, goth looking girl, a really tall really nerdy looking girl and another boy. He had messy black hair and glasses, and really fucking stupid teeth. Fuck those teeth are stupid, how does he even go out during the day without a fucking bag over his head.  
But for some reason you couldn't stop staring at him.  
\----  
Your name is JOHN EGBERT and today is your FIRST DAY OF GRADE 11 at a NEW HIGH SCHOOL in a NEW TOWN.  
During the summer your father and grandfather, who are very close, decided to move to a new town, for reasons you're still not sure of. So you and your cousin Jade, who lives with Grandpa Egbert since her parents died, moved with. Your father's girlfriend, Ms Roxy Lalonde moved as well, bringing her daughter Roselyn and Rose's half brothers Dave and Dirk (who are living together since their parents left/died/whatever happened) along too, insisting that they are too young to live in a town with no relatives.  
Wow that sure is confusing to explain!  
So this morning your dad got you up and drove you and Jade to your new highschool, and now you're standing in you're new homeroom talking to your best friends.  
Wait why is that guy over there staring at you?  
As soon as the thought crosses your mind, the boy turns away.  
Well dad did tell me to make new friends!  
You drag your current friends over to where the short boy was standing with a group of people. "Hi! We're new here, and I was wondering if maybe someone could show us around at lunch?"  
The short boy stared at you. A preppy looking girl behind him smiled at you "Sure! I'm Fefe Peixes! This is Ross, Sammy, Arianna, Solomon-Alexander-"  
"It'th Sol"  
"-Nepeah, Eric, Aaron, Virginia, Kendra, Tracy, and Karter!" Fefe is definitely rich, with long dirty blonde hair, an even dark tan and an expensive looking dress  
You analyze the new group of people. They all seemed pretty cool and nice, this might be a good year.  
"I'm John and this is my cousin Jade, and my friends Rose and Dave."  
You're cut off by the morning announcments coming on, followed by the bell for first period. "Uh, could one of you maybe show me to English class? I don't actually know where I'm going."  
Karter sighed. "Yeah I have it first too, hurry up or we'll be late. I said come on shit sponge, Ms Paint is nice, but she's dating Mr Slick, and he's not."  
You follow Karter to your first class. Ms Paint is a short, plump, happy looking women, who tells you to sit where ever you like. You take a seat next to Karter who glares at you and takes out a binder.  
"Well? What the fuck are you staring at??"  
"Oh, uh sorry!" You didn't realize you had been staring. There's something about him...  
I wonder when the last time he brushed his hair was.... And how is he wearing that heavy hoodie, it's still so hot out!  
"Hey, uh, Karter? Aren't you warm in that?"  
"Shut up, who cares."  
"But-"  
He glares at you, telling you to drop the subject. So you do, and you get out your things for class. Something about him seemed off. Even more off than before, when you mentioned the sweater.  
You look at him again. He's really short, probably only about 5 foot at most, and he has black hair, but you think you can see the light blonde roots, his face is very pale, and there are dark circles under his eyes. Wow, he must not get a lot of sleep.  
"Come on, what the fuck are you staring at?! Do I have something on my face?!"  
"Sorry! Sorry."


	2. I'll walk you to gym class

Your name is KARTER and you are sitting in DETENTION.  
During second period science class Tracy, who was your lab partner, knocked over everything on your table resulting in a full out argument between the two of you. You're now sitting in opposite corners of the science room waiting to be allowed to leave.  
Finally your science teacher, Mrs Queen, comes in and tell you both you're free to go. There's only a little over 10 minutes left of lunch.  
"Hey let's go find everyone, Karkles."  
"Don't call me that." You wince at your middle school nickname. You briefly wonder if John and his friends will be there too. You shake your head. Why the fuck do you care about that dumbass or his friends!?  
Sure enough, your other 10 friends are sitting around a table in the cafeteria with the four new kids.  
"Hi Karter! Hi Tracy! Virginia told me you guys had detention." John waves at you from his seat next to Virginia.  
"Wow guys, wait to take foreeeeeeeever. Lunch is almost over."  
"Shut up." You glare at her, you're too tired to deal with her shit today. Or any day really. Virginia Serket is a blah blah huge bitch, and no one, not even her closest friends would disagree. In fact, if they did disagree she would probably be offended.  
"What classes do you have next Karter? I have gym and then music theory, I've just gotta find Rose and Kendra so she can show us where the music room is." John looks up at you with his fucking idiotic grin. With those fucking ad- uh, stupid teeth.  
"I'll take you, I have gym next, and I've gotta go by the music room to get to math." I mean why the fuck not, I've gotta go there anyway so it's not like I'm doing him a favour or anything.  
"Awesome, thanks! Uhm, should we get going? I think the bell's gonna ring soon."  
"Yeah probably, we have Mr Noir and he'll kick your fucking ass if you're late."  
"Oh, wait for me Karcat~! I have gym now too!" Nepeah hopped up from her seat and trailed along behind you and John. You sigh.  
"I said hurry the fuck up, nooksniffer, I don't want him mad at me the first day!"  
The three of you reach the gym a good five minutes before the bell. Good, you like to get changed before everyone comes in anyway.  
Nepeah waved and went into the girls change room while you and John went to the boy's. You sit down on the bench and sigh. Another semester of this. You're glad it's over when this semester's done. Don't get me wrong, you're not unfit or anything, you just hate all the activity. And changing with other people. And Mr Noir.  
You look up in time to see John pull off his ghost busters tee shirt. Wow.  
You don't mean wow like holy shit he's actually muscular or anything, because he's not. But he's not too thin either. He's perfect-  
Wait.  
Perfect for what.  
What the fuck were you about to think.  
Snap out of it Karter. Theres no time to be crushing on the new dork.  
Not that that's what you were doing it's just. There isn't any time for it. Nor should there be.  
You blush, stand up, grab your gym bag and mutter something about going to get changed.  
You step into the bathrooms on the other side of the room.  
This day has fucking sucked, why do I have to waste my life away in this god damned shit hole. You pull on your gym pants. Its not like I'm ever going to need gym class in my fucking miserable future. You take off your hoodie and pull off your tee shirt. I wonder if any of the other shit stains had sense enough to get here early so Mr Noir doesn't rip them to shreds. You kind of hope someone will show up late. Listening to someone else get harassed by the teacher might make you feel a little bit better.  
"Hey Karter?" You can hear John coming around the corner to where the washroom part is. Shit I should have went in one of the stalls! You grab your things and turn to go into one of the stalls at the same time John comes in. FUCK FUCK FUCK. You try to cover yourself up with your shirt but it's too late.  
"Hey Karter I was wonderi- Holy shit what are all of those scars from??"  
"Fuck."  
"What happened?"  
"Just, shut up, go away ass hat."  
"....Karter?"  
"..."  
"Karter?"  
"I said go the fuck away."  
"What happened?"  
"..." Fuuuuuck.  
"Karter-"  
"Past me was about the dumbest bucket of fucking festering discharge I ever fell ass backwards into and I did some dumb shit I'm not that proud of, alright."  
"Wait- do you mean you did these?" John's eyes got wide and he looked shocked.  
"No shit buck tooth. I used to hate my self ten fold to how I do now. I was a fucking dumbass, and I fucking hated everything, including myself. So of course I was going to do some fucking stupid shit that seemed to make sense in the middle of the fucking night."  
You sigh.  
"Look. These are all old, okay? Theyre just there to remind me what a fucking dumbass I am."  
"I-"  
"Look don't tell anyone, bulge licker."  
"There are just so many..."  
"...Stop staring."  
"I guess can't- who knows? How many are there?"  
"Well I've never fucking counted them, dick head, use your thinkpan! And let me put my fucking shirt on!" You grab for your gym shirt and pull it on. You've probably never been so fucking embarrassed. Oh my god, this is why you wear those God damned sweaters all summer though the fucking blazing heat and a fucking long sleeve shirt in gym class.  
"Sorry. Uh. So, that's why you're still wearing hoodies."  
"Yeah pretty much why the fuck else would anyone ever consider wearing something so fucking thick in the fucking nook melting heat!" You tug at your sleeves.  
You can hear other students getting changed now.  
"Come on ass wipe let's go. We don't want to waste any of Mr Noir's precious time."  
John turns to go into the gym without protesting.  
You can't help but watch his ass as he walks in front of you.  
\----  
Your name is JOHN and you just found out what a BAD PLACE your friend used to be in.  
You can't believe that Karter used to... well, do that! And there was a lot of them, like holy shit. His arms were covered in scars.  
You've never seen someone with that many before. At your old school, you had noticed a girl with a few on her wrist when her bracelets moved, but it was only a couple, Karter had them all up his both of his arms, and a few on his stomach. You hadnt even realized what they were at first.  
Who else knows? Someone else must.  
You mean, there's no way only you know. knock knock  
Oh dad's at your door. "Come in,"  
"What's the matter son, you seemed a little off when you got home." Your father leans down to look at you. He can always tell when you're upset, but should you tell him? Well, I mean it's Karter's personal life, and if he's not still doing it then I guess nothing's being hurt but... if I don't mention his name it probably wouldn't make a difference anyway....  
"John?"  
"Dad, I met this boy at school today, and he was wearing long sleeves, and when we went to gym class, I accidently saw him changing, and the reason for the long sleeves is he has scars all down his arms."  
"Well did you ask him what the scars were from?"  
"Yes." You remember being told he did it to himself. "He said he used to hate himself, he still does a little, but he really used to, and he did some some things and basically what I'm saying is he put them there, but they're all old now and I'm not supposed to tell anyone."  
"Ah, I see." Mr Egbert sat down on the bed and put his arm around you. "John, sometimes people end up in a bad state of mind, and the best thing you can do is just make sure you're there for them if they need you."  
"Well, he said they were all old, and the definitely weren't fresh but there was just so many, and if he still doesn't like himself, even if it's just a little, what if he does it again? I don't want him to hurt himself."  
"John, you are a smart young man and I am so proud of you, I'm sure you'll find a way to make sure he doesn't. Now, you should be going to bed soon, you have school in the morning."  
"Alright goodnight dad, thanks."  
"Goodnight John. Whatever you do, I'm sure you'll help your friend. I'm proud of you."  
You crawl into bed and lay there, thinking about Karter. You don't even know him all that well yet, but you can't stop thinking about him. Well he is a new friend, and I did just find out about his scars, I guess I just want to help him. You decide that's all it is and try to it out of your mind for a bit. You fall asleep and sleep until morning without waking up or dreaming.


	3. A non-gay heterosexual platonic pal date

Your name is KARTER VANTAS and it is already half way through the SECOND MONTH OF GRADE 11  
You would say you can't believe it went by so quickly, but really you think it should be July again already.  
You are sitting in John Egbert's father's car, between Jade and and the insufferable prick, while John sits in front. Tonight is the school dance and John has convinced you to come over before to get ready in a 'non gay very platonic' way. Dave is with you guys because Jade is his date for some fucked up reason, and Jade is with you because, well, she spends half her time over at John's anyway.  
You arrive at John's house and get out of the car. Wow, this is a fucking boring cookie cutter house, who would have guessed. But then you walk inside to be greeted many clown painting. Alright, what the actual fuck with is with these douchebags.   
A man, who you presume to be John and Jade's grandfather comes into the living room. "Well hello David, where's Miss Lalonde, you guys didn't ditch her, did you?"  
"She's over at her girlfriend's house getting ready, we'll meet the lezbos at the school." Dave, responds without looking up. That's right, in the month and a half she's been here, Roselyn Lalonde has managed to turn Kendra off Virginia Serket completely and somehow they've ended up together. In a fucking month and a half.  
"And you must be John's friend Karter! I've heard a lot about you!"  
Great. John talks about me. You really hope it's in a good way. You really like John- I mean not in that way, that would be gay, which this is not. Well, you are bisexual but either way, this is a non-gay heterosexual platonic pal date. And John is your friend and nothing more. For some reason you just trust him a lot. Maybe it's because he knows about your scars, something only Kendra and Sammy know about. Or maybe it's just him, maybe he's just the kind of person you can trust. Either way it's fucking bizarre, because Karter Vantas does not trust anyone, not even himself for fucks sake!  
You nod at the old man. "Come on Karter, we've gotta go get changed" John grabs your hand and pulls you upstairs.  
You go upstairs with John to his bedroom, this is the first time you've actually seen his room.   
The room is full of dumb shit. Lame movie posters, dumb video game posters, a magic trunk, all shit you saw while Skyping him last week.  
You turn and face John. "Hey what's up with all the- Fuck! Dude, warn me before you start stripping!"  
"Huh? Oh, hehe." John giggles with looking at you through his shirt caught around his head. "Common Karter, you've seen me in the locker room!"  
"I just wasn't expecting to turn around to see you fucking stripping okay idiot!"   
You have a weird feeling in your stomach. You should probably look away from him now.  
But you can't.... Everything about him is just so perf- Fucking stupid and idiotic. Like his goddamn buck teeth. He should get braces or some shit.  
"You do eat right? I think you're fucking skinnier than you were last gym class."  
He pulls on a short sleeve dress shirt, black dress pants and a bow tie. "You should change too, here you can borrow something of mine I'm sure it'll fit you, you can't just wear skinny jeans and a hoodie to a dance!"  
"Just watch me. Your thinkpan will explode from how I'm dressed. Fucking explode."  
"Com'on Karter, pleeease. I'll find something long sleeve. And I won't watch you change. I promise."  
Oh. "....Fine. I hope that by changing my clothes for this fucking social mosh pit I do good. Wearing a friend's nice dress shirt to the old school gym, opposed to my perfectly good, brand new hoodie, will probably do all kinds of good in the word! Hell, I'll probably cure cancer! Or-"  
"Dude stop rambling and put this on." He tosses you a long sleeve gray dress shirt and starts to turn around.  
Sigh. "You know you don't actually have to turn around. I don't care."  
"But you have your..."  
"Good job genius. Never knew those were there maybe I should start paying more fucking attention to where I put my fucking knives and thumbtacks! Fuck maybe my dad should have never let me HAVE knives or thumbtacks, or even safety pins for that matter! Maybe-"  
John cringes.  
"Sorry." You pull off your black hoodie. Then take a deep breathe and pull off your long sleeve top. You can feel yourself blushing a deep red, you never change in front of anyone.  
John is staring and trying to not to stare at the same time. "Hey fucker, take a picture, it'll last longer."  
Damn, your voice shook at the end. John looks up a little alarmed, but your pull on his shirt and start buttoning it up. "From the look on your face I'd think you were the one covered in cuts."  
The shirt smells like him.  
And you like it.  
"Thanks for lending me the shirt." You say when you get it buttoned all the way up."I don't think I even own any dress shirts."  
"Uhm. Karter. Is your arm bleeding....?"  
"Wha... Shit! Damn it fuck I didn't mean to get my blood on your nice shirt fuck I'm sorry! Fuck!"  
"Whoa, it's okay it'll wash out..... That's not from....?"  
"No! No, uh, I just scratched my arm off something, I thought it had already stopped bleeding, sorry for freaking you out like that."  
His eyes meet yours to check if you're lying.  
Fuck you could just melt holy shit this is so out of character for you. Fucking swoon.  
"Wow are you really looking deep into my eyes? Wow, and I thought you were the straight one here."  
"What no, no! I'm not a homosexual Karter don't worry, haha."  
Your eyes drop.  
"John! Karter! It's time to get going boys!"  
John grabs your hand and pulls you downstairs. His father takes a picture of the two platonic friend-bros and sends you on your way with grandpa Egbert to drive you. You eye him, wondering if he even still has a legal drivers license. Or if he ever had one.  
\---  
Your name is JOHN and you've just arrived at the SCHOOL DANCE with you cousin, you best bro Dave (and Rose and her date are here somewhere)and your friend-pal Karter. This is going to be the best school dance ever.  
Rose and Kendra and Dave and Jade have went off to slow dance with each other, leaving you alone with Karter. Or as alone as you can be in a crowded gym with 300+ people.  
"Wanna dance?" You ask him, wiggling your eyebrows. Platonically of course, you say to yourself. You're not really sure why you always have to add that, it should go without saying, seeing how you're not a homosexual.  
Right?  
Karter stomps on your foot to say no and tells you what a doofus you're being.  
"Hey Karter?"  
"What in the name of throbbing bone bulge do you want know?"  
You smile. "Who do you liiiiiiike?"  
His face drops. "Fucking no one, what the fuck even gave your small, lonely brain cell the impression that Karter Vantas would ever like someone?!"  
"didn't you date Tracy?"  
"How the fuck do you even know that?! And that wasn't even really dating, we were in fucking grade six!"  
"I thought she broke up with you near the beginning of grade nine?"  
"Oh my GOD shut up would you why are we even still discussing this dumbass topic!"  
"Oh my gosh Karter you guys actually did date for like 3 years? In middle school? Thats adorable!"  
"Shut the fuck up you blithering feculent shithole!"   
"Okay, okay, Mr Tracy Pyrope." You wink and he looks like exploding. "Anyway I was just wondering, I mean, we're in grade 11. Most of us are dating, I mean Dave and Jade, Kendra and Rose, Sol and Arianna, Fefe and Aaron, Sammy and Ross are totally going to get together. That leaves Me, you, Tracy, Nepeah, Eric, and Virginia, so I guess I'm just wondering who everyone will end up with."  
"Uh huh. "  
"Nepeah likes you."  
"Wow! You figured that out soooo fast! You must be some kind of super genius!"  
"I take it you don't like her back?"  
"I take it you don't like Virginia back?"  
"Oh."  
"Oh come on, don't tell me you didn't know."  
"No no, Rose told me. It's just, I thought I did, but it kind of,.. went away. I've never really had a real crush. I told you I'm asexual? I dunno, maybe I'm aromantic or something too."  
"Fascinating."  
You mean, the only other person you really really like in a way that feels different than how you like your other friends is Karter. And that can't be a crush because you're not a homosexual. Or homoromantic you guess? Whatever.


	4. Maybe a little homosexual

Your name is KARTER and you are ready to admit that you are COMPLETELY IN LOVE WITH JOHN EGBERT.  
Well. ready to admit that to yourself. And maybe your close friend Kendra Maryam. That is if she stops macking on her girlfriend for 5 minutes. Or even like, 30 seconds would be nice. You think you might have to forcibly separate them when its time to go home.  
You sigh.  
He's perfectly imperfect. From his fucking beaver teeth, to the pointy collar bones and thick rimmed glasses he always wears.   
Unfortunately you can't ever tell him.  
John Egbert is not a homosexual. And besides, even if we was he deserves much better than you. Or at least a little better. You don't really deserve any one.  
"I'm a disgusting worthless bilgesack on the gargantuan teat of a labouring, leprous musclebeast. My self esteem is so small, it's existence is a matter of conjecture among theoretical physicists. I smell so bad, the stench cannot be expressed with even the most eloquent, floris language. The odor my body makes has made poets cry. I have won special awards for discovering new places to touch myself erotically while farting. I unfairly pulverize the competition in asshole pageants, and I have received  
a lifetime ban from ugly contests by president shit face himself. My blood is not fit to flow through a sewer. When I look in a mirror, my reflection slowly shakes his head while I wet myself in pain.  
"That is why I don't deserve John fucking Egbert. Can I just have my knife now?"   
"Karter. Your self esteem seems to be dropping rapidly once again, I am afraid I will have to take away all of your knives and thumbtacks and baby prove your entire home. Tonight when we leave if I don't find you to be in suitable shape then you shall come home with me and we will have a sleepover and talk about your feelings towards yourself and towards John. I will call your father if you won't and you know my mother has no problems with kidnapping you. Do you understand? Of course I would first clear it with my mother, and your father too, there would be no real kidnapping involved, you're almost 17 anyway, and seeing as we have no school tomorrow I cannot foresee any problems. Now, since we have our backup plan, let's begin trying to help you now, shall we?  
"I think you should tell John about your feelings towards him, and maybe discuss it and see if he might feel the same towards you. Since you are a, erm, suitable mate, I cannot see why he wouldn't."  
"But Kendra, he's not fucking gay are you missing like half the point here??"  
"I thought the point you were making was that you were in dire need of a shower. I'm sorry for misreading your ramblings."  
"Argh, shit he's coming over here, what do I do?!"  
"Hey Karter, wanna come dance with us? Oh you can come too Kendra, I just feel lonely with all the dumb couples around."  
"I-"  
"Sure John that sounds pleasant. Just allow me to locate my date first."  
"Great! Dave's over requesting dumb songs so blame him when the music starts sucking."  
"The music already sucks." You can't believe people actually enjoy listening to this fucking garbage. how did someone actually get paid while writing this trash? You've heard more intelligent noises from your classmates on taco day.  
But for some reason you still want to dance with him to it. Even if it does make you want to puke up everything you've eaten since last Monday.   
Hey, so do his teeth.  
\---  
Your name is JOHN and OH MY GOSH WHAT IF YOU ARE A HOMOSEXUAL??  
You have just spent most of the night dancing with your friends. Only now are you realizing that every time you friend-slow danced with any of them, you were thinking of Karter. But, now you're unsure of if you wanted to friend-slow dance with him or.....  
You can't think like that. You aren't a homosexual. You weren't in grade 8 when your best bro Dave asked you out (wait shit that was a secret) and you aren't now.  
But everything about him is just..... Pretty. You decide on the word you've always thought to be just for girls. Never in your life have you even thought about seeing a boy as 'pretty' But it's true, and he's not just pretty, he's beautiful.  
You've never even considered the idea of being gay. You've really thought about your sexuality and determined it to be asexual, and, you figured heteroromantic, as you've never had any interest in boys. Well actually, you've never had any real interest in girls either. I mean sure, thinking they're pretty or even hot, little crushes, but nothing major. So what if you are gay? No, it can't be.  
But you turn around and look at Karkat squished in the car between Dave and Jade and think it could be.  
You guess you'll have to talk to your dad about it. But... for the first time in your life, you're not sure if you really do want to talk to you dad about this.   
It's not that you think he would laugh at you, or judge you or anything like that! You know for a fact he'll be supportive of you no matter who you are, and you're very grateful for that. It's just..... You can't really put your finger on it. But you should probably talk to someone. The guidance counsellor? No, you've heard weird things about Mr S. Maybe Rose? She's good at talking to people and analyzing them. Yeah, I think I'll talk to Rose about it sometime.   
Your grandpa stops the car to let Karter out. "Hey, I'll walk you to the door, I wanna meet your dad and see if he really is like you!"  
"My dad is fucking nothing like me, we are completely different!"  
"The way you described him made me think of you though!"  
"Oh my god shut up! I told you we're nothing alike!"  
Either way Karter gets out of the car after practically crawling over Dave, who wouldn't move, glares at you and walks to his door. You bounce along beside him, eager to get to meet his father.  
Before Karter opens the door he looks at you. "Why the fuck do you want to meet my dad. He's not cool or anything. He's even lamer than your dad!"  
"I dunno! I just kinda wanna meet him."  
Kater sighs and opens the door. "DAD I'M HOME!"  
"ABOUT FUCKING TIME."  
"DAD COME SAY HI TO JOHN HE GAVE ME A RIDE TO THE DANCE."  
"You can come inside for a minute you know. You don't have to just stand out there like a fucking idiot."  
You step inside Karter's house. It's fairly ordinary, lots of little crab figurines everywhere, his dad must collect them. Mr Vantas walks into the room, he's about average height with greyish hair- probably in his late forties not much older than your dad. "Hi Mr Vantas!" He has pale skin and bags under his eyes like Karter, though not as pale, or as dark.  
"Hello, thanks for driving karter to the dance.'  
"Oh it's no prob-"  
"It's not like he drove, his grandfather did." Karter muttered.  
"Stop being a fucking smart-ass! Tell your father thanks for putting up with this shit."  
"Uh okay." HONK "Oh, I think I've gotta go, bye Mr Vantas, bye Karter, see you at school Monday!"  
You wave to Karter and his dad and go outside. He is so just like his father.  
You get in the car and drive home.  
Later as you're laying in bed all you can think about is Karter.


	5. I can't think of a title for this one

Your name is KARTER and you are head over heals for one of the most idiotic, annoying, beautiful, straight boys you know.  
How could you be so fucking stupid.  
You've always known you were a fucking idiot unable to make intelligent choices for yourself, but you never thought you'd go and do something this fucking moronic.   
John is an idiot, with the dumbest teeth you've ever seen, and hair that sticks up at odd angles. He's an asshole, and not even the good kind. He's fucking insensitive and annoying and beautiful and he will never ever in a million years love you back.  
Not that you would want him to.  
Even if he was gay, he would never love you.  
He could never love you, with your below average height, the dark circles under your eyes, the fact you can never shut up, you're an asshole to everyone and pretend not to care. Plus you fucking hate your self and self hate is not very attractive.  
Argh. Put the fucking thumbtack down.  
Before you can do anything stupid, you remember John's face the first time he saw your scars in gym class. You stick the thumbtack back in the wall and sigh.  
You think maybe you'll go to bed early tonight.  
\---  
Your name is JOHN and all you can think about is KARTER.  
You are completely and utterly in love with every part of him.  
You love the fact that he barely goes up past your shoulder when he has good posture, you love the fact that he never has good posture. It's like if you dated, you'd still get to be the boy! Hell you could even dress Karter up like a girl, and it would work too! With that beautiful pale skin of his, and his deep red eyes, it would be perfect! Hee hee, only joking about that of course, that would be so silly, no matter how pretty of a girl he's be.  
You don't even mind how angry he is, or how loud he tries to be to make up for his height. And everytime he hates on himself you just wanna pull him into a big hug and kiss away all of his troubles.  
You really need to talk to someone.  
You wish Rose would hurry up and get her. She was supposed to meet you at this cafe 5 minutes ago! Rose is never late, what on Earth could be going on?  
Rose walks in the door and meets your eyes as you're thinking up different scenarios explaining her lateness. She smiles at you a little and walks over to your table.  
"Hi John, sorry Im late. I was over at Kendra's and lost track of time, her mother was nice enough to drive me so I wouldn't have to walk and be later. Now, you said you wanted to talk to me about something?"  
"Uh yeah... Rose I think I like someone... Like, I like-like them. But they aren't exactly..."  
"A girl?"  
"N- Yeah, how'd you know?"  
"Is it Karter?"  
"How did you know it was him?!"  
"John, people act a certain way when they like someone, You like Karter, so does Napeah, Tracy likes Dave and so on."  
"Then does Karter like me back?"  
"It's not my place to answer that question."  
"Oh c'mon, please?"  
"John I can't. Now, do you still need help with your english homework?"  
"That's not what I got you to come here for!"  
"YOu don't want to fail grade 11 English do you?"  
\--  
Your name is KARTER VANTAS and you think maybe its time to tell your best friend about your love interest.  
Man that sounds so fucking stupid you could fucking shoot your self just for thinking it.  
Your dad drops you off at Kendra's nearly 20 minutes later than you told her you would be there. Oh well she's used to it. You're never on time for anything, save school. Its not all your fault either though! By the time you were ready you would have only been about 10 minutes or so late but your dumbass father insisted on finishing the end of some stupid tv show. Not that he ever got to see the end, you both ended up shouting at each other then you went to wait in the car. Eventually he gave up on his show and came outside to drive you.  
And now we're here. You get out of the car and mutter 'thanks' to your dad. You get to the door and Kendra opens it before you have the chance to knock. "Hu- Oh, sorry Im late."  
"It's okay, Rose was here until a few moments ago any way. You said you had something you wanted to discuss with me?"  
"Uh, yeah. It's about... well it doesn't fucking matter who it's about but I need to talk to you."  
"Yes, please come inside, we can talk in the diningroom. I'll ask my mother to give us some space."  
"Thanks." You follow her inside and say hello to her Ms Maryam, who gathers up her sewing things to move into a different room.  
"So, what was it you wanted to talk about?"  
"Uhm. Well I kind of like this guy. I mean, kind of is a fucking understatement. I really fucking like this douchebag, and, I don't know what to do... Like he's, him, and I'm this dumb messy pile of self-hate and fucking screaming. And I just don't know what to do."  
"Have you tried telling him how you feel?"  
"No that's a fucking stupid idea, he doesn't even like dudes! That's about half of my fucking problem!"  
"I see. Would you mind telling me who it is you like?"  
"...John."  
"Oh really? It's almost as though you haven't already confessed all of this to me at the dance."  
"Sorry, I just wanted to start again I guess."  
" Well I still think the best thing to do would have to be talking to him. Explain to him that your feeling for him are on the flushed side, and see how he feels about that."  
"Oh fucking great advice, there's no way he likes fucking me back! All that will accomplish will be making things really fucking awkward!! Honestly, no one would fucking like me!"  
"You know that Napeah does."  
"Yeah Napeah was probably dropped on her fucking head as an enfant!"  
"You know that's not true, Napeah is a very smart girl, and she obviously sees something in you that you don't. And you never know, maybe John sees it too."  
"John doesn't even fucking like dicks. He says 'I'm not a homo Karter' Like it's going out of style and he wants to get it in as many fucking times as possible before he starts looking like the biggest loser at the party for saying it, but hey guess what! He already sounds fucking idiotic saying it! It was never in style! Never! You'd think one time for that saying to pierce through my heart would be enough but no!"  
"Sometimes people are wrong about that kind of thing. Sometimes people say it even if they no it's not how they really feel. Besides, it would probably be better for you to tell him about your feelings than for him to accidentally find out from someone else, don't you think?"  
Sigh. "Yeah, fuck I don't know. How the fuck do you even tell someone something like that."  
"You wait for the right moment and you just tell him what you feel."  
"Well fuck."  
"Now, a bunch of us are going over to Eric's next weekend. Maybe you both can come and the right time will come sooner than you think!"  
"Heh. Yeah right."  
You're not going to fucking tell John so he can think you're a creepy fuck who wants to get in his pants.  
But oh.  
No! You can't think about that! He's fucking 16! And he already told you he thinks he's asexual, he wouldn't even want that with a girl much less with a fucking dude!  
And definitely not with you.  
\--  
Your name is JOHN and you've just been inviting to you friend Eric's house next weekend.   
All of your friends are going and you could almost call it a party. And if all of your friends are going, that means Karter will be going. And maaaaaaaybe-  
No. Aurgh. Stop thinking that. You doubt karter would want to date a goofy guy like you. Besides what if this 'homo' thing is like a fase or something? Then what?  
Deep down you know that it's not any kind of face though. You've moved on from imagining yourself dancing with him in a sweaty school gym to picturing what your wedding would be like. You kind of really need a reality check.  
But you kind of can't wait until next weekend.


	6. yeah definitely some homo

Your name is KARTER and your in your dad's old car, on your way to Eric's house.  
You'd never admit to it out loud, but you stayed up late last night talking to 'John' in your mirror, figuring out different ways to confess your feelings to him. Each one was progressively fucking STUPIDER than the last.  
You tried again this morning and went until it was time to leave. For once, you won't be late.  
You get out of your car wearing your nicest black hoodie. All of them look pretty much fucking the same, but this is your nicest, you'll swear to it. "Thanks dad, see you later, Ill call you when I want to be picked up."  
Right on time. You knock on Eric's door. "Hey fuckers."  
"I see for once you're not late. But you're still using that, crude, language."  
"Just as fun as always Eric."  
You make your way inside and look around for John. You find him standing with Virginia, probably talking about some lame ass movie. There's no way you can do this. This is starting to feel like a lame ass movie. Like one of the romcoms you're dad picks out for you from the cheap bin, no ones likes them so they're on sale and you're the lucky guy that ends up with them.  
"Hey, Kar, can I talk to you for a minute?"  
"What the- Aaron! What the fuck! Don't touch me dude!"  
John looks up and his eyes meet yours for a split second. He blushes quickly but covers it up by smiling and waving.  
"Okay okay! What the fuck do you want?!"  
"Romantic advice. Kar, Do you think Fe still likes me?"  
"Fuck! Aaron, I don't know!"  
"But you're the best at all of this! You've always known before!"  
"Yeah well I've got other shit to deal with right now! I don't have time for this!"  
You continue to argue with this douche you call your bro-pal for ages until you finally agree to watch Fefe around school and see if you think she's still into him. They have an on-off almost relationship and you're not sure why they even fucking bother.  
Now to find John again.  
Damnit! Where the fuck did he go?! He was right there when Aaron pulled you aside.... Fuck.  
\---  
Your name is JOHN and you're sitting in Eric's spare room.  
You asked Eric if it was okay for you to go somewhere to sit and think and he showed you to his spare bedroom, and now you're lying on the bed thinking about karter again. Like wow, you just can't get him out of your head.  
You wish you had the guts to tell him how you felt.  
Youre lying there, lost in thought, when you hear a knock at the door. Gah! What- oh. I wonder who... "Yeah?"  
"Hey, John? Eric said you were in here?"  
Karter! You swear, if you were a dog or a cat or wearing those cool motion sensored ear things, your ears would have perked right up. But you're not. You do find yourself smiling though. "Yeah, you can come in."  
You sit up on the bed. Karter pushes the door open. "Sorry if I'm interrupting something I can go..." You shake your head. You feel so much happier just with him here. "Every one out there's being fucking lame so I thought I'd come find you."  
"Yeah, I just came in here to do a little thinking."  
He closes the door behind him. "Oh. Uh, do you care if I ask what about?" Wow, he's acting... different, than usual.  
"Oh no, I don't mind. Just uh, romance and shit, you know."  
"Yeah?... So, who's the lucky girl?"  
he askes sitting down next to you. You blush a really deep red. "Oh, uh that. Uhm."  
"Oh come on, you can tell me! You know my secrets."  
"It's uh... It's not a girl, actually."


	7. In which he gets the babe

Your name is KARTER and WAIT WHAT NO REPEAT THAT THERES NO WAY THATS TRUE.  
Did John Egbert just admit to liking a dude.  
John Fucking Egbert. Liking a male. He likes a-  
Wait. Don't get your hopes up. Out of all the nice guys in your school, why the FUCK would he chose you.  
Why SHOULD he choose you.  
You dont deserve to even be his friend, much less the object of his affection.  
In fact, if it was you, you would have to ask him if he's ingested any form of mind altering drugs in the past few days, or how many flights of stairs he's fallen down recently. Of course you would also probably need to rush him to a hospital, so he could be checked for head wounds and- Wait, back to reality. Holy fucking god he looks so adorable with his face so red.  
"So, does this mean John Egbert is a homosexual after all?" You fake a gasp.  
"Oh well, uhm. I kind of think maybe Im biromantic? I mean I've only liked girls before, until now I mean. And I kind of really like this guy..."  
"Well are you going to tell me who he is??"  
"Epp!"  
Sigh. "Look, Egbert. I've got something I need to tell you and seeing how you seem incapable of proper speech at the moment this seems like as good of time as ever." You try to keep calm but you know he can hear your voice cracking. " I uh, I like..."  
John looks up at you. "Yeah? Who?"  
You take a deep breath. "This, uh, this dork in my english class. He's kind of... Fuck this! It's fucking you John! Arugh! Nows your chance, get up and leave before I can stop you! Run off and tell your friends how the gross scared dumbass boy in your english class has a crush on you! I won't blame you one bit! Hell, if I was stuck with me liking me, I'd probably go to the nearest washroom and barf up every single fucking-"  
"Karter."  
"-And then-"  
"Karter."  
"-Pile of fucking filth on the floor-"  
"Karter!"  
"What?! Can't you do me the favour of leaving me here in my misery??"  
"KARTER I LIKE YOU TOO OKAY."  
"You..."  
"I like you. You're the boy I really like."  
"Oh."  
"Yeah. So uh. Now what?"  
"..."  
"Karter? Are.. you okay?"  
"I don't think I've been more okay since middle school." You lay down on the bed relieved.   
"Are we.... Do you wanna like, date, or whatever?"  
You never thought you'd hear those words come out of John's mouth and be directed at you.   
Well okay, if you ever thought he's say that you definitely thought it'd sound as awkward as that.  
You smile wider than you have in ages and hug him tightly. "Oh course I want to date, you fuckass."  
"Hey John are you- Whoa homo alert in here."  
"Fucking- Dave! What the fuck are you doing you cocksucker can't you see we're busy? Get out!" You grab a pillow and throw it at the door.  
"Whoa, calm your tits Vantas. I'm going I'm going." Before he closes the door he takes out his cell phone and snaps a picture of you and John. What the fuck.  
\---  
Your name is JOHN and you never thought you'd be sitting on a bed in someone's spare bedroom holding the boy you like so much as he cries tears that you really hope are happy tears.  
But hey, shit happens right? And sometimes it's good.  
You push him off your lap a little bit and hesitate, then push up the sleeves on his over sized hoodie. "What the fuck are you doing John?!"  
"Shush, I've been wanting to try something for a while." You push up his other sleeve. "I saw it in a movie." You flash him a goofy smile.  
He sighs. You look at all the scars. Some very old, and though probably none of them are recent, you know he hadn't stopped for good long before you first saw them. You probably wouldn't doubt he's slipped up a few times since, but that's a conversation for another day. You pick one to start with and trace it with your fingers. You lean down and kiss it. You stop and think for a minute. "Would you mind?" You ask, indicating that you want to take off his sweater. He stares at you without protesting, so you pull the sweater off. You begin kissing as many scars as you can reach. You know there are more, still hidden by his tee shirt, or maybe even his pants, but you know you'll get them another day.   
You kiss every one you can see, careful not to miss any. Once you've finished you look up at him. There are tears in his eyes. "It'll all be okay, I promise."  
You hug him and he hugs back tighter. "Come on, we should go back out before someone else walks in."  
He stands and puts his sweater back on, wiping his eyes on the sleeves. "No one hears about any of this nook wipe. Well, I mean, about me crying and shit. You don't have to keep the relationship a secret or anything... I mean you can If you want! If I were you I would want to, being that I'm me and all but-"  
"Shhhh, unless you feel uncomfortable, it's fine." You smile.  
He smiles weakly back and it gives you butterflies.  
"HEY ROSE GUESS WHAT."  
"Shut it numb nuts we've only been dating 5 minutes and you're already yelling it to everyone!"  
"Oh! Do you not want people to know Karter? Because if not I'll totally respect your decision and-"   
He grabs your hand tightly and you figure it's to shut you up. When you look down at him he's blushing, but his face tells you he has no problem with it.  
"Of fucking course not! Why would a miserable fuck up like me want to keep a relationship with you a secret?!"  
"Aw that's really sweet Karter!" You smile. "ROSE HE SAID YES!"


End file.
